The highs and lows of my weight loss journey

 

It’s my second day of rotting at home after being bogged down with a horrible illness which has meant I’ve missed the gym and have been awfully inactive – I think I’ve done about 1000 steps in 48 hours… awful, I know. 

 

It’s funny because there used to be a time where I would just lie in my bed for days and not move unless it was to get some food. Now I’m being forced to do just that (literally forced: my Mum banned me from leaving the house), it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that I used to enjoy it. It makes me feel grim. 

 

However, I am ill. And I’ve had to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to miss the gym for that reason. It’s extremely difficult to not feel guilty, to feel as if I’m being lazy. But my body is not strong enough to do anything strenuous, and if I do, I’ll make myself feel worse, and then I’ll miss more sessions. I’ve also had to remind myself that my nutrition will be different, depending on what my body needs, and that is okay as well. I won’t lose out on all my gains, or get fat, or start from square one, it’s just a couple of recovery days. 

 

It’s strange being in this position now. Before, the concept of losing weight was so foreign to me. I had it instilled in my brain that it wasn’t possible, that I couldn’t discipline myself into doing it. I used to laugh at people who were obsessed with fitness and the gym, and think how I could never obsess over something, what I thought at the time, was so baseless. Yet deep down I was envious because I wanted that same discipline, I wanted that same motivation to go and better myself. Don’t get it twisted; I still exercised. I danced regularly, I did Zumba, went to spin classes, follow along HIIT workouts at home (shoutout to Joe Wicks, that’s my guy) and occasionally hit a weightlifting session under the influence of my sister, but I was never consistent. And it was a massive struggle for me to get there in the first place, and I would dread the thought of exercise. And it didn’t really matter anyway because I wasn’t in a calorie deficit, I was eating one meal a day and binge drinking.

 

Now gym is pretty much the only thing I look forward to. How the turn tables. I have become one of the people I used to scoff at.

 

As soon as I leave, I’m thinking about my session the next day, what I could have done better in the session I just completed and how to improve for next time. I’m constantly buying new gym sets and eagerly planning my outfits the way I do with my nights out. 

 

There is a small part of me that misses what it was like before; when my body dysmorphia wasn’t so bad, when I wasn’t thinking about the macros of each food I consumed and when I wasn’t comparing myself to every influencer that I came across on social media. 

 

Nevertheless, I was still incredibly insecure within myself. I have struggled with my body for my entire life; when I was in primary school, I was constantly aware of my thighs when I sat down in a chair. I would compare them to those of my friends who had thigh gaps and would notice the way their legs wouldn’t take up the entirety of the seat the way mine did. I hated going to dance class because all the girls around me were tiny, and I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb. I hated taking group photos with my friends when we were out, especially when I was stuck on the side because I would look significantly larger than all of them. I would compare myself to my sister and wish I had gotten the slimmer genes. I would cry myself to sleep because I was just sad all the time about the way I looked, and so frustrated with myself because I could never find the routine and consistency to sort it out, particularly when I was at university and majorly depressed for half of it.

 

The gym has now provided me with a newfound confidence; an environment in which I find comfort and can work on myself, for myself. Not for anyone else. It gives me goals to strive towards whilst I’m in this weird era of my life and nothing feels like it’s going my way. If I didn’t have a passion for gym right now, I probably would have been admitted into an insane asylum (I wish I was joking but after realising that I relate to Austin McBroom, I had to revaluate a few things about myself). 

 

So, many have asked how I keep myself motivated, what I did in the first place, what I eat, how I structure my workouts etc, etc. I’ll detail a few things below for those of you who also want to start and my advice when it comes to starting your fitness journey: 

 

·      Okay, so I’m going to be honest here, I shed a lot of weight over the summer because of my anxiety. So yeah, it wasn’t the healthiest of beginnings. I increased my exercise and was doing a lot of high cardio workouts at home. However, I barely had an appetite due to being anxious, and therefore accidentally put myself in a deficit. I didn’t really realise that I’d been losing weight until people around me started noticing. 

·      Obviously, I advise you guys to not do that if you want to lose weight. Yes, be in a deficit, yes up your exercise but please do it in a healthy way: eat three, nutritious meals a day and find exercise that works for you. I found that I would get bored of HIIT workouts, and easily lost motivation. Therefore, I went to the gym and realised I quite enjoyed weightlifting, especially because I was devastated I’d lost my ass (when my sister pointed out that my ass had gotten way smaller, I literally started spiralling) and knew that weightlifting was the only way to get it back. So that’s originally where my motivation stemmed from.

·      I researched the hell out of what I needed to do to gain muscle but keep losing fat and was introduced to the concept of body recomposition: eating at your maintenance calories, hitting your protein target, lifting as heavy as you can without injuring yourself and doing low intensity cardio. This genuinely changed the trajectory of my life. I didn’t even know it was a thing. I always presumed you had to do the cutting and bulking cycle, which I knew I’d hate and didn’t see it as sustainable. 

·      I then discovered fitwithemely, who introduced me to the concept of training for your body type and for your glute shape. I really recommend checking out her content because she really helped me structure my workouts in a way which is tailored to me and my body type specifically. This not only helped me see results more quickly, but also helped me enjoy my workouts more.

·      TRIAL AND ERROR: at the beginning you need to keep trying things out to see what you like and dislike (however if you want to grow your glutes, I’m sorry to say but hip thrusts and Bulgarian split squats are absolute staples).

·      I know people struggle with gym anxiety. I did too until I got a grip and realised people really do not give a fuck and are too absorbed in their own workouts to care about you. Seriously, I’ve cried in the gym before, and no one’s batted an eye. However, to make it less daunting, plan your workouts beforehand and practice your form at home. I watched tons of videos on form the night before my gym sessions, and I still practice my RDL form randomly throughout the day. Also, finding a friend to go the gym with you is another way to make it less nerve-wracking.

·      This is cliché, but obviously losing my mind over a boy added to my motivation and once I ended things with him, it only provided me with more ammunition. 

·      Another thing which keeps me motivated is knowing I look good and so I’m a lot more confident in the way I present myself which makes me seem more attractive. I never want to feel the way I did before, where I’d make myself miserable before a night out because I hated what I saw in the mirror. Every time I’m feeling demotivated, I think about the girl I used to be and how sad she was and then get my ass to the gym.

·      CUTE GYM FITS! I love ordering new gym sets and looking good when I go to work out, because my workout always feels more productive. Whenever I get a new set, I’m always itching to wear it to the gym immediately.

·      Lastly, having a gym crush will force you to keep showing up! And always have backup for when the first option isn’t there.

 

Things to remember on your journey:

·      GENETICS! Please don’t get dissuaded if you don’t see results immediately in comparison to other beginners. A lot of girls have told me how my figure is incredible and asked what I’ve done to get a small waist, but a lot of that is genetics. Even when I was larger, I still had an hourglass figure, my waist has always been small and fortunately, I will always have larger thighs and a bum. So yes, genetics have helped me a lot, which is why it is important not to compare yourself to others, especially influencers that you see online.

·      On that note, if you’re working a 9-5, it’s a lot easier to lose motivation because you’re tired and barely have time to do anything else anyway. People who are jobless (aka me) have more time and energy to dedicate to the gym, so please keep that in mind. Therefore, find a workout split that aligns with your busy schedule and keep those workouts short and sweet. I like to spend 2 hours in the gym, but a 45-minute/1 hour workout is just as good and effective.

·      Perfect your form before upping your weight. If your form is fucking shit, you’re not going to see results. Don’t be an ego-lifter, you’ll just get an injury and embarrass yourself.

·      Building muscle takes time, be patient.

·      Always take your last set until failure, until your muscle literally cannot do another rep, that’s when you’ll see the results.

·      Progressive overload: increasing reps, weights, adding half reps etc as time goes by. In my opinion, increasing the weight should be the last way to progressively overload. 

·      FUEL YOUR BODY! Don’t be scared to eat or take rest days. Remember, in the gym you aren’t building muscles, you are tearing them. You build your muscles at home: when you eat and sleep. This is something that I need to drill into myself as well. 

·      You better hit that protein intake! And try and hit it with whole foods. However, of course protein powder is extremely useful (I recommend orange and mango clear whey for those who don’t like protein shakes. It literally tastes like squash).

·      Body dysmorphia is a bitch and unfortunately it comes with starting a fitness journey. You feel as if you haven’t made enough progress, or that you look too big, or that you look too small. The way I deal with body dysmorphia is telling myself to shut the fuck up every time I look in the mirror and feel like criticising myself. There are probably better ways to deal with it but I'm still working with it.

·      If you’re a woman, your body will change according to your cycle and your weight will fluctuate easily. If you don’t feel like lifting heavy on your period, then don’t. And of course, you will feel as if everything is heavy the week before. That’s okay, you’ll pick up where you left off afterwards. I actually feel twice as strong once I come off and can usually hit new PBs.

·      Everything is okay within moderation. I know Eddie Abbew is probably haunting your thoughts, but it’s okay to eat processed foods if you don’t overdo it. Like I could get hit by a car tomorrow, so I will enjoy my mini eggs after dinner thank you very much.

·      Don’t get too obsessive tracking calories/macros. Yes, if you have specific goals then tracking is indeed helpful but try and do it in a sustainable way and if you overeat slightly or undereat slightly, do not beat yourself up. If you can afford it, 100% invest in an online coach!

 

Anyways that will be all. I thought it’d be easier detailing my journey because so many people have asked me about it and I’ll definitely be writing about it more. I’m currently on a small bulk because I’ve reached a plateau with my gains (another thing to expect once you stay consistent) and have an online coach to help with nutrition (thank you Milly), and will definitely write about my experience once I start my small cut. If I’m honest, I still class myself as a beginner, and I’m still learning a lot about the world of fitness. If you listen to some of your favourite influencers, a lot of them have been training for 3+ years and are still learning, especially with the abundance of contradicting information out on the internet.

 

Okay bye 